just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
