Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
