i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize