best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize