hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
