I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
