We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
