i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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