May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm always down for nudity.
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