I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So many bounce houses so little time
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
