He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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