If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
