i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
