My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
