Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
