turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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