That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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