dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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