I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize