Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
