My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
