his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize