this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
