My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're a disaster
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