I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
