She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
