the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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