so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
