I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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