I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
