we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
