Yo dont text me then not text me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
