Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
