He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
