I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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