READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
