DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
