put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You took a bar mat shot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
