I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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