i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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