i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize