DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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