walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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