oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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