im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
