my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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