So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My bed smells like the plague
Why did my mother make you get naked?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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