Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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