loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
