I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
