Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
