just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
