saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize