Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How's work?
Spinning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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