She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
