So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
