My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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