So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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