Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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(305): View more from Florida

Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

(786): View more from Florida

How high are you right now..

(305): View more from Florida

I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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(760): View more from California

Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.

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(330): View more from Ohio

lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes

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