I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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