I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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