piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
