I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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