Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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