I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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