we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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