he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
