either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
