He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
