Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize