He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize