FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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