You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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