I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
