home. puking in laundry basket.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize