I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
